Shake IT Real Good

From now on i'll stick to fist bumps.
No one has ever said i've done that too hard

I was at a BBQ a couple of weekends ago when someone complimented me on my handshake. I say complimented, I mean commented. This is the first time in my adult life that anyone has mentioned anything about my handshake. I've practiced with Chelsea before and she thought it was strong but then she has the most delicate and frail of mits so I can't take her too seriously. Or so I thought, to my peril.

Anyway at the BBQ, I shook hands with a guy. 'Woah, that's a strong shake' I might be paraphrasing but if so not much, he had a voice exactly like an excited Peter Kay, 'What do you do for a living?!' he exclaimed. Whilst I am in no way slim I am in also no way built, I have next to no muscles so the idea of me doing anything remotely physically challenging is laughable. 'IT' I responded. I'm not sure what he was expecting but he was shocked. He spread the word, loudly, and challenged another BBQ gooer to guess what I did from my handshake. The challenger was taller than me, i'm 6ft 2ish, and much larger than me. I didn't like the pressure. More than I didn't like the pressure i didn't like his response, 'IT' he said without even coming near me. He had pre-judged me by my beard and glasses. Of course he was right, but I didn't like it. Now I reflect on it I think it's actually less insulting that someone thinking I was going to have a weak handshake.

Shaking hands is something I think about a lot (if you hadn't guessed...). As a child I would go to various functions and shake hands with people and I assume I offered them the strongest hand a 9 year old can (heads out of the gutter). Responses would often be 'You need to work on that' etc. I didn't. I have done almost no work on it other than shaking hands with people and a few time as mentioned with Chelsea. I have however feared offering a limp wet hand when meeting someone. I never really trust those who offer these, it's like trying to shake hands with jelly. On the other hand (haha) I hate shaking hands with people who squeeze because I was under the impression I am fairly weak and I hate the feeling of bones crunching in my hand. Not sure anyone likes that?? And it's just a show of authority, I hope people don't think this is the reason I am accidentally strong. Often there is also the accidental finger hold. I'm not sure how this one starts but it ends with a firm grip around the fingers and not the palm, this is not comfortable physically or emotionally.

I hadn't thought much about the incident or subsequent shaking potential until today when I got another comment. 'That's a firm shake'.... how are you supposed to respond to this I wondered. I kinda smiled and showed her the way to the meeting room.

Championship Manger 97/98

Thanks to my brilliantly genius friend I now have a downloaded version of Championship Manger 97/98. For those who know me, or have read my previous blog here, I'm a big fan of the Championship/Football Manger franchise. So this is a big deal.

1997 was a glorious year, I was 7 years old. Just started a new school and unlike most things 90's, football had hardly entered my conscience.I have subsequently found out that I had been put in a Tottenham shirt a few years previous, a sin I have yet to forgive my dad for. He doesn't even like football, except when it comes to the World Cup when he's knowledge and punditry challenges Gary Neville. Of Football I knew very little other than Baddiel and Skinner had just the summer before had a smash hit and that Man United was a team that I could see myself liking, I didn't predict the obsession. I came to like Utd through two routes. One was that my big brother was a Man United fan. I use the term was as he also doesn't like football now. He like millions (I guess) liked United in the 90's, influenced by friends and I was influenced by him. The second route was a 'playoff ' for my support, a prize worth winning more than the current Championship Playoff, i'm sure of it. Who was this other team that were vying for my loyalty, Chelsea? Arsenal? Spurs? No. Bradford. For some reason Bradford were trying to thrust themselves to me. I think it was to do with another computer game, ISS on the Super Nintendo, and Dean Windass but hey it wasn't meant to be. In a few month's time I would also declare, on video, that Steve Claridge was my favorite player and that I hated Chelsea. One of those are still true. Hint: Steve Claridge isn't even my favorite pundit on the Football League show.

I've selected the maximum three playable leagues, took 25 minute to set the game up but I have England, Spain and Italy. I have decided to give the season a go as Man Utd. In real life this was a poor season for the team, dropping an 11 point lead in the premiership race and getting knocked out in disappointingly early in the cup competitions. It was however the season before United reached the holy ground of the treble. Can I turn this team in to a formidable force. Probably not but it will be fun trying.

First job is to look and analysis the first team, which turns out to be the only team as there are no reserve or under 21's teams. This feature must comes in later, when im not sure. The team itself looks pretty good, only a few additions to the team that goes on to win the treble however it's still someway off. So I look to make some improvements. This turns out to be ridiculously difficult. Not only is the interface a bit challenging but no teams want to sell the top players, go figure, but no room for negotiation on Shearer, Zidane, Thuram etc.

Whilst i'm waiting for Yorke and Pires to decide their fate a host of other teams are cracking on. Chelsea have signed Deon Dublin (joint top scorer that season with 18) and Sheffield Wednesday sign Kieron Dyer. I decided to try some of the in game legends. First stop is an offer for Ibrimha Bakayoko a young striker from Montpellier who later played a few games for Everton.

The toughest part when looking to sign players, other than the cost and the fact no one wants to come to me, is the squad size. I have inherited a squad at maximum size 32 so I need to sell or release some. I release Terry Cooke, the board aren't best pleased. Not the cracking start I had imagined. I struggle to cut my squad quick enough so the Yorke deal falls through, whatever came of him anyway. Pires doesn't give me the chance to be dissapointed in my ability to sack players as he signs for Juventus instead. I decide that my squad is OK at the moment, seriously it's a choice I made, nothing to do with my failings in the market. A line taken from the Moyes era.

The games crashes. I spend 5 minutes trying to remember how to use the emulator. The game gets back just before I released Terry Cooke, I release Terry Cooke. Rinse and repeat with failings.

Whilst i'm not going to build on the squad now I do want to free up some space. I also take the opportunity to list; Clegg,Casper,Curtis,Brebner all of which in real life go on to achieve little in the game, lets see how they get on. I also list Brian McClair though whilst a legend he scored 0 goals the previous season and then 3,5,1 the seasons before that. He, for those who don't know is a striker. My team will need goalscorers and whilst he was a boy he scored at his age it was time to get new blood in.

I picked my team for the Charity Shield, a nostalgiafest of Schmeichel,Neville's, Irwin and Sheringham. Whilst selecting this squad I can tell that my squad actually does need enhancing, something that will have to wait until after the match. I select Keane as captain, Giggs as corner and Beckham on free kicks and penalties. We play the auto 4-4-2 with a 'passing style'. Not quite the in depth tactics that go on noawdays but it seems suffice. It starts off a dream as McClair puts me 1-0 up after 5 minutes. Maybe I should keep him.... 25 minutes in Keane makes it 2-0 and Chelsea are dealing with attack after attack, half time 2 up and looking good. I leave the team the same as it finished with the idea to make a sub midway through the 2nd half. I couldn't work out how to make a sub though so I  continue as is, as does the match we come out comfortable winners. Roy Keane man of the match. The real United also won this game but they relied on penalties so i'll put myself ahead currently.

My first league game couldn't have started worse. Away at the Dell, Southampton, United often struggled there. Ostenstad and Hirst put them 2-0 at halftime. I change the formation to 4-3-3 and continue the 2nd half how I've started many 2nd halves on Championship Manager, miserable. For a second it gets better as McClair get's one back only for Hirst to grab a 2nd 2 minutes later. I then struggle to win 2-1 against Bolton, before drawing with Sheffield. In between I lose Henning Berg for what looks like most of the season. I then pull off a great win against Chelsea after going down to 10 men. I still can't seem to sell anyone so I let some players go. The board aren't too pleased (again)! I finally sign someone, Yorke, I pay well over the going market rate (I was desperate) who has a blinder in his debut bagging 2, a shame that we then ship 2 at the back to draw. My results were not inspiring the board, or my players or me to be honest.

A couple of decent results in the league and in Europe help ease some nerves but after 10 league games im 5 points off the leaders Arsenal.

So in good news it doesn't look likely that we will throw 11 points away but not sure that's much to brag about.

We get knocked out the FA cup in the 4th round to Arsenal who go on to win the cup in real life. In the 3rd round I beat Port Vale, Arsenal took penalties to beat them after a replay. I'll take some solace in that fact. I was however disappointing to go out of the league cup early to 'Boro. The league ticked along and we were 8 off the top.

Things were not going great so I consider it a possible blessing in disguise when my laptop charger point breaks and can't be fixed meaning the emulator and my disappointing season are consigned to the depths of history before they can play themselves out.

Back to 01/02 for me then.